rage out - mood breakdown

alrighty..

dari tadi bingung nih mo nulis apaa.. hahahaha..

i thought.. kalo keterima UMB, mendapat kepastian and all stuff, gw bakal terhindar dari mood breakdown.. (see my old post)
tapi somehow 2 hari terakhir ini mood gw ga keru2an..
tak tau kenapa..

karena ga ada kerjaan, ga ketemu temen apa gimana gw gatau..
but i'm becoming more and more grumpy, i believe..
gw jadi nyolot parah.. bukan sombong gitu kali.. tapi gw ngerasanya: i want to have another me, so i can keep myself inside.. without needing to interact with the rest of the world..

perhaps, i'm just having a badmood cause there are some things that doesn't go as my will..

gw mo suka sama orang, tapi udah terpatri di otak gw: gw pengen anak 70
kalo yg lain terlalu mengerikan.. takut alaysm gw.. hahahahaha..

i want to be able to forget him.. yet i cannot find someone new.. perhaps not yet..
tapi nah itu dia kan gw bilang gw ga mau suka sama yg bkn anak 70..

what it feels like.. to be close to someone?
apa yg orang2 yg uda idas rasakan?
gw ga ngerti deh.. bahwa satu bagian itu.. satu bagian kosong itu udah terisi?
what does it feel like to be completed?

technically, gw ga lagi 'empty'
tapi bukan karena gw sudah bisa mengisi kekosongan itu..
melainkan karena gw ga mau ada bagian kosong..

in other words..
don't wanna fall in love just yet..

but i need to fall in love.. soon.. before college..
so i can see the guy before they change..

saya harus bertemu dan mengenal orangnya sebelum dia rusak..
sebelum saya rusak...

kayanya urusan 'berpura2 dan menutup diri mulai kuliah dan seterusnya' udah bikin gw stress parah.. rah rah rah parah.. marah2 mulu.. dipendem jg ga baek..

yeah.. i'm having a mood breakdown..
dan butuh waktu untuk menyusunnya kembali..

just hoping gw belum membuat semua orang kesal dgn marah2nya gw begitu mood gw selesai ditata..