untuk seseorang (lagi dan lagi)

i need to absorb the silence, definitely
i need it to engulf me, to embrace me
so i can finally see
there's no more you in me

hope so..

i've been running, if you haven't noticed
running
and keep having the world remind me of you
running
and finally learning

to remember what it's like to fall
before taking a flight
to remember the fight (as in 'perjuangan' :D)
instead of just the pain

i'm so not apologizing for falling in love with you
that's quite.. pathetic?
i'm supposed to say thank you in fact
i was once that big-hearted in loving someone..
glad to experience it.. and honestly i'm not sure i can do such thing again haha
let's just say.. car crashed heart still is a car crashed heart...

thinking about you
thinking about how time has passed by
how my life still does go on without you in it (though somewhat i still don't erase you)
how your life goes on without any trace of me within it

i learned a lot from this feeling i once had for you
and for that i'm not apologizing.. i'll thank you for it..

so.. i'm already over you.. are i?

last year.. after a full 3-4 months not seeing you at all
i remembered i cried...
the very first time i cried because of someone, because of such matter
it's such a dirty little secrets hahaha..
and now i feel fine.. not grieving, longing, or anything that makes me more and more like a banshee.. after about 9 months not seeing you at all.. wawawawa i'm cool :D

you're happy now
well at least you're not that much of a loner anymore, are you?
you have a girlfriend! haha
and she's pretty! good for you..

dhila keep on saying she's not.. she just has fair complexion blablabla.. but still she's pretty.. and i know i'm not so... whatever...

okay i'm starting to sound pathetic just then...

i was quite pathetic when i thought my world would tumble down without you in it
and a super total pathetic fool when i cried because of it
and surrounded by totally-not-less-emo bestiest really didn't make it better..
but now as i think about it
you've done nothing bad
i've done worse, really hahay...

i once 'accept' someone just because i've been keeping the person hanging for quite too long
and right after doing it things get... too cheesy... too corny... too lovey-dovey-ish... too sickening...
and there is someone too 'campur tangan' in it.. so it's just silly and annoying and bluurgh-ing...
or perhaps i'm just a commitment phobe LOL
and i disappeared
just like you disappeared from me
but you've done nothing bad

you just didn't know that i was simply there for being friends and being the 'oh so platonic' me. and i'm a commitment phobe.. and i think lovey dovey is disgusting and, really, i'm big hearted enough to have you saying it straightly that you're not interested...

and me?
oh i did a very bad thing sir..

i wonder how much damage i've caused the person
whether he would kill me if we met
and whether he has healed by now or not

i don't have the gut to meet him, really...

to put it simple

maybe you're a karma for me doing such bad thing

but thinking about it again

the thing i've done still is worse than what you did...

let's just hope the karma has over >.<

oh yeah and again people... i love masafumi gotoh for real... not just obsession..
or maybe i don't know the line between obsession and love anymore lalalalala..

viva platonic