a daily fangirl whine

I was lucky enough to get chosen to be an extra for Strawberry Night's movie filming..

akdfjahjdfhasdjf i can only imagine how fancy it is to be a JE fan in Japan~

and back on to questioning what to do in life...

this life i'm currently living, this lifestyle, this kind of laid back "tilikan derajat 5" self of mine...
i know for sure won't get me survive the real world

one year
i got only one more year to hide under the status of being a student

after that "poffft~"

i'm on my own
i have to be on my own

i'm cursed when i'm not. i'm doomed when i'm not.

to be the ever tolerable AND tolerating grown up.
to be a pleasant person. or at least act like one.
to work hard. for my own sake. to actually fall straight to the bottom of society (yes it's society. about your class in society. not about being sociable) ladders when i don't (and economic ladders as well).

to be pretentious. to actually question "what was idealism, again? what is it this whole idealistic mind set the people in the college try to plant into our brain these whole past years?".
then to let the answer swallowed by the real world.

these facilities i'm having right now prolly alright to have as med student.
but it's certainly overbudget for a general practicioner.

then the money from the work will go to educational savings, or simply vanish due to this overbudget for a GP lifestyle of mine....

when will i be able to go to Japan, then?
why can't i make living by being a fangirl T_T

why does this major i take is one so hard to get scholarship abroad? other than for research... nooooo i'm more interested in fellowship than in research.

and yet i haven't think about what major to pursue~
how could i when i'm still in this love/hate relationship with this science (or myself)... *sigh*


come to Indonesia dear Ohkura Tadayoshi~ (yes, i'm calling ohkura, not gotoh)


i need to learn how to drive
how to cook
finish this stuff for the undergrad graduation
write bits for the group scrapbook
buy some share for the so called educational investment

but before.... i'm going to Thai (yay!) for which i haven't actually search itinerary of. yes, shoot me. will go on wed, though. let's move this lazybum of mine.