the drama effect

- at some random nights. a total usual random 'let's go watch tv' night.

"will you fall for me all over again and again?" damn the stupid drama we just watched.
"insecure much?" a glint of mischief in her eyes
"just answer!" obvious pink cheeks, a small chuckle, a pout, a sigh then an answer:

"i don't exactly remember when i fall for you, or why. i just remember being totally panicked when i lost track of you. i mean, usually i can easily track people down, but then, you, 'this guy didn't even give me his real name?!' went through my mind. i don't exactly remember falling in love. but i remember suffocating just thinking of you out of my life."

a grin.
yeah, the independent anzu depends on me much.

suddenly inspired

oke di otak gue sedang tercetus untuk membuat drabble bersambung sodara2!!
dan bukan piano after fall series, dikarenakan gue gak tega menggunakan karakter ciptaan gue tersebut untuk cerita yang sedang terdevelop di otak gue ini.. argh hahahaha..

gue terinspirasi dari lirik lagu2 di bawah ini, lo bayangkan saja nanti ceritanya bakal kaya apa, karena kata2 indahnya belum benar2 ada di otak gue sekarang.. tapi gue merasa mesti banget menuangkan inspirasi ini sebelum semangat gue luntur jadi yah...

• All American Rejects - dirty little secrets
• natalie imbruglia - wrong impression
  
• secondhand serenade - fall for you
  
• p!atd - lying is the most fun a girl can have w/o taking her clothes off
  
• MCR - i don't love you
• Avril Lavigne - he wasn't
  
• all american rejects - gives you hell
• AKG - korogaru iwa, kimi ni asa ga furu *lagiiii!! kesannya lagunya AKG gue cuma tau 1*
• Nickelback - far away
• *apa deh nama bandnya di beck* - moon on the water (full moon sway)
  

yaaaaaak begitu saja sodara2.. hahahaha... oh wait, kayanya gue menemukan cara untuk menjadikan ini piano after fall series hahaha.. just wait okay just wait fufufufufufu..

on a blogger's block...

argh gue gatau mo nulis apa...

current mood: hollow

uyeah i'm so empty that i don't even think i'm moody anymore...
i feel empty, i no longer have this need or power or urge or will to smile sincerely.. not even to practice it..
let's just say i was pathetic enough that i have to practice first in order to put up a sincere smile... and now, instead of getting used to it and become naturally there without me having to actually rehearsed it before going out.. i just went more pathetic by not interested in practicing nor smiling.. thanks.. huhuhu..

not that i completely zonk-ed out not en-blue-d not smiling or anything..

i smile, i do.. it's just.. every time i try doing the stupid practice (that i am actually not interested in?) i know soooo well that.. i used to have a better smile..

*sigh* *heavy sigh*

ARGH I HAVEN'T WRITTEN ANYTHING GOOD LATELY HAVE I?????!!!!

super blogger's block..

yukmarikitacobasebentar

***

ehem.. a song fic?
---
piano after fall~ series
sei, anzu, ritsu

---

If I could, I'd repaint the world
Nothing as drastic like getting rid of wars
But maybe, there's a bit of that too

it shouldn't have end up like this..
or should it?
or perhaps nothing should have started anyway..
or maybe nothing have actually started..

Can't be an actor or a movie star
I can't even laugh naturally in front of you for that matter
What's there for a guy like me to do?

i closed my eyes.. wincing..
remembering how sad your look seemed just a while ago
how messed up, torn, and betrayed you might feel
you must feel..
have you ever had any idea?
how bad i want to erase those
how deep i want to protect you from pain
how i want to put more smile on you..
but again.. they are just some 'i want's, aren't they?

What did I do wrong
Can't even figure that out
Rolling, Rolling
My heart lamenting over what was never mine

is it really that wrong to keep you?
i feel like laughing a really painful laugh right now..
brought back to the time when your mom disagreed about us before we even started..
is it really that wrong for me to have a glance on you?

We'll probably continue to
Our hearts entangled, Rolling, Rolling
Start to run across the frozen ground as if we're rolling

have you ever imagine how agonized i am.. how agonized i will be..
having your brother in front of my door, apologizing..
telling, hoping, begging me.. to wait for the storm to come off..
convincing me.. that over this distance, you are actually struggling..
making a way for us to be together..
yes, it is agonizing actually..
because only you struggling..
can't you rely on me more?

There's no reason for my sorrow
All the more hopeless when you can't cry
So I sing, hoping to bring warmth to such a night

"i'm sooooo not gonna cry"
those words sounds so you, aren't they?
and so i wouldn't cry
because you're struggling
and i can't be just anymore hopeless, can i?

The rock rolls and takes us away
A new life sprouts from the cracks of the hardened ground

there should be a way for us..
or else we wouldn't have met..
so there will be a way..

Beyond those hills
In shining glory
Comes the morning that will expose your loneliness, your everything

when it's about time..
you'll just depend on me more..
by then we will struggle together..
instead of having you telling me to wait in pain..

The small red car takes her away
Makes a turn at the far off corner
Disappearing from my vision

yeah.. i remembered how they snatched you away..

What was it I lost? Can't even figure that out
Rolling, Rolling
My heart lamenting over what that was never mine

should i just prepare my heart?
worst case scenario:
you, completely out of my life

We'll probably continue to
Our hearts entangled, Rolling, Rolling
Start to run across the frozen ground as if we're rolling

i'm such a failure brought to life
i don't even think i'm strong enough not to have you near

***

argh.. dan dikala on a blogger's block.. pelarian numero uno gue adalah... KOROGARU IWA!!
gue tak kunjung kehabisan inspirasi dari lagu ini.. *bowed to masafumi-sama*

lalalala banget..
i hope i can come up with something more original later hahaha..

plain love song

---
piano after fall~ series
anzu, sei
title: plain love song - a distant off anniversary
---

*camera on*

anzu sat down, an acoustic guitar on her lap. she coughed. she was gonna sing, not something that occur quite often.. ah well it's a special occasion anyway she thought. and it's finished already...

and so she started

just to put it simple
you're my type of guy
we're so easy to mingle
and that put me in a high

interest in the same matter
and the laughter that linger
no intention to flatter
but i could just love you forever

it's just a plain love song
because i want to keep you along
it should take you out of blue
because i make it just for you

sorry for troubling you
i wish i could make it up to you
you can take revenge if you want to
but it's not like you have to

it's a plain love song
because i want to live with you
i'm running out of rhymes already
but it's a plain love song anyway

it's just a plain love song
because i want to keep you along
it should take you out of blue
because i make it just for you

anzu stops.
"it's called 'plain love song'" she spoke "if it doesn't really touchy then it should make you laugh anyway."
"i'm sorry that my voice isn't really that nice.." she laughed "it's not like i'm a vocalist."
"oh and if somewhat this song is really going to be released, i'll add up 'for mr. cameraman' in the title.. or 'mr architect' now?"
"and of course change a few line.." again, anzu laughed.
"huhu i don't want to make anything heavy but it ended up like this.."
"happy anniversary anyway.." anzu walked over, putting away her guitar, took a plate of cake instead.
"work your best!"
"i miss you, really.."
"go home soon!"
"ah.. happy first anniversary anywaaaay.."
she blew out a candle on top of a one piece of blueberry cheesecake.

*end of video*

***

sei laughed over the video, yet he pressed the replay button. playing it for the umpteenth time. enjoying his one and only anniversary love song with a mouth full of cheesecake, blueberry.

"is this supposed to be a work from a lyricist anyway.." he laughed again.
how come it's totally doesn't sound like any of her other lyrics!!
ah yeah.. to keep it simple
"happy anniversary." he monologued. "wish you were here."

---


huhuhu i just love to make some cheesy aw so sweet lines huhuhu..
somehow i think it's because i'm not in love hahahaha.. *if you're not mentioning gotoh, matsujun, and nino*
i think the mood of being in love actually a stressed out, depressing one in my case hahahaha..

and i just write in english so often lately, ne?

long delayed post >.<

feel like making some drabble.. huhu..

---
random drabble
---

i still felt like closing my eyes and fell once again into a shallow sleep. really. if you weren't there i might have fallen asleep. soon i tried my best to keep my eyes open, shifted aside and went have a good look on you. you, the actually already perfect you, who was trying to fix your look here and there, feeling imperfect. you were about to go already, and i couldn't do anything about it. i kept my eyes opened no matter how hard it was, i had to seize this last moment at least, moment in which you were around.

'can't you stay?' i asked a stupid question that i had known the answer of. well, it shouldn't hurt that bad trying, should it?
you answered simply with a smile and a light chuckle.
'just get some rest, okay?' you said as you patted my hair and put a kiss there.
'and how bad i want you to be by my side later when i wake up,' again you only smiled in respond to my silly words.
'get well soon'
'get home soon'

yeah, how bad i want you to be near later when i wake up.. just to make sure i wasn't dreaming.. nor being delusional..

and so i closed my eyes. falling.


---
piano after fall~ series
sei, anzu
---

i blankly watched your moves. drowned, pulled, tangled, tied, captivated. on how you were being you, or perhaps acting as the 'calm' you, in a situation that normal people shouldn't be able to.. or they should. who knew.

'are you alright?' you asked. funny, i was about to ask the same question.
'well, i think the question should be addressed to you..'and then you just smiled.

i knew exactly that i didn't look relaxed at all, that was why you asked. Like who would just be relaxed after watching someone having heavy family argument because of YOU, a stranger out of nowhere. i wanted to apologize, but i held the words in my head. apology didn't seem to be right in the circumstances, plus it might offend you somewhat, for sure.

'i'm so.. no.. thank-..' i sighed 'what am i to you, actually?' this stupid brain of mine end up making me spitting up such question. such honest question. i could feel my cheek burning, and i just wished i could bury my self. well, i did half the effort actually. i looked down and buried my face in my arms, mumbling 'never mind, please'

'don't worry. it happens a lot. it's just kinda a bit sharper this one.'
i looked up in confusion. yeah they might argue often, but that last one was because of ME, plus it's SHARPER. like hell i wasn't worried.
'you're not answering nor calming me'
'i thought you said never mind..' and i went back burying my face to embarrassment, only to fish out that adorable giggle of yours.

'do you love me?' you asked
'i don't have any reason not to..'
'good. do i hurt you by having things like this?'
'like what?' hurt me...??? like i was the one supposed to.
'making you worry and stuff. tell me if it's hurt. tell me when you want to scatter me away. i will stop, i promise.'

LIKE HOW ON EARTH I WOULD WANT TO DO THAT!!!!
something exploded within me.

'there's no way you can hurt me...'i whispered
'but you don't look alright..' you stared at me with concern 'i'm making you not at ease already.'
'it's because i might just hurt you!!!' bzzt whatever.. i just can't be at ease anyway

and surprisingly
you LAUGHED
argh

'how can you be so calm about this?????'
'about what?'
'oh... it's just me or wasn't i just... urgh.. ijustrecentlyfellforyou-butthensuddenlyitriggeryourfamilyfightalready-yourmommusthateme-ihavenochancewithyou'

and that, again, fished out your chuckle. a whole-poweredly-held back laughter..

'NOT FUNNY!! IT'S FRUSTRATING!' i went scrambling my hair in despair, stopped by your soft hand grabbing my palm, making me to turn my gaze at you. as on hand of yours held mine, the other trying to fix out my hair, eyes still on each others.

'will you give up then?' you asked
'NO! DEFINITELY.' your eyes softened. great. i think i have stop breathing
'i love you then.' you smiled. crap. i think i'm having a cardiac arrest.

---

i'll perhaps making some more with the label piano after fall :D
i'm not good in making long stories, so i decide to make drabbles in series hahahah.. not really in a smooth sequence nor that much related to another, but all the chara will have bonds :)

watched kimi wa petto recently, and voice, and now ryuusei no kizuna...
one thing in common between them? hhmm.. let's see.. bonds between human are really amazing neee???

and i really want to keep nino as a brother and matsujun as a pet :p

let's work hard for more piano after fall, workpiece, and the next super hectic module >.<

anzu - a beloved fuckingly complicated girl

the word girl here seems rather offensive actually.. kinda in appropriate for her.. she doesn't feel, she never thought of herself fully as girl.. but she actually admit she's a she anyway.. so perhaps girls are girls..

she's strong.. she tries to be..

no shed of tear should ever exist for anything not-so-precious-nor-important is one thing that she hold on to.. and failed once for one person.. her setsuna..

she's one who will give all to protect her dearest.. though those dearest sometimes just don't need her protection.. but for that she may not cry..

there are still many things to take care of.. i just can't, mustn't, get stuck here..

and so she kept herself calm, and tell her eyes to pull the almost-bursted tears back..

she failed once, really, out of all those heartbreaks, she failed to this one.. and she promised that this is the last..

she loves her setsuna, at least she thinks so..

without ever really erasing setsuna, under the excuse of 'oh well i learned a lot from that anyway'.. she continues on living, and fell in love with another..

this new person, just call him.. well.. him.. he doesn't worth a name.. that's what she thinks anyway.. no no no no no.. big no no..

one that completely different from her setsuna..
feels different, attract her differently, cut differently, hurt differently too.. hopefully..

she's in a total breakdown right now..
questioning:

okay.. somewhat the world doesn't want me erasing setsuna sama.. oh wait.. really?

i'm sad.. it's because of setsuna sama isn't it? or not?

i think i'll go back writing down setsuna sama's name.. wait.. is that really necessary?

what am i sad for? who makes me sad? what makes me sad? which one cuts deeper?

which one is the perfect one.. to cry for setsuna or for him?

well perhaps i really have done many many many mistakes that i deserve having all these problem at once..


she feels like crying.. but crying is a big no.. really..
it's none of their fault.. it's completely hers.. really..
and suddenly she thinks she's one selfish (or not?) fucking complicated perfectionist bitch..

she's sad but she told herself that she must not cry.. for everyone's sake..
even when she wants to cry for someone else, because of someone else and something else.. she will draw herself back to setsuna.. so she thinks she cries for her setsuna.. though she still must not cry even if it's for setsuna's sake.. it's just.. setsuna is better than him.. isn't he?

anzu sama feels lonely, sometimes.. but she shouldn't be.. because i'm around..
i feel lonely.. totally.. completely.. deeply.. frantically.. but i shouldn't be.. because anzu sama doesn't..
anzu sama is busy protecting her setsuna, and those others who are dearests for her.. so busy that she doesn't have time for herself.. and that's what i'm for.. to make sure anzu sama doesn't feel lonely though her setsuna is not around..

just let us live, please.. people..
anzu sama isn't that strong though she seems so tough..
i'm not gonna say i'm strong, and nobody really said i need to be strong for this.. all i'm doing is trying my best to keep anzu sama away from lonesomeness..

just let us be..
stay away setsuna, stay away him

**

the pic is chosen because somewhat it reflects deep deep loneliness that covered up with happiness.. just covered, not erased..