the word girl here seems rather offensive actually.. kinda in appropriate for her.. she doesn't feel, she never thought of herself fully as girl.. but she actually admit she's a she anyway.. so perhaps girls are girls..
she's strong.. she tries to be..
no shed of tear should ever exist for anything not-so-precious-nor-important is one thing that she hold on to.. and failed once for one person.. her setsuna..
she's one who will give all to protect her dearest.. though those dearest sometimes just don't need her protection.. but for that she may not cry..
there are still many things to take care of.. i just can't, mustn't, get stuck here..
and so she kept herself calm, and tell her eyes to pull the almost-bursted tears back..
she failed once, really, out of all those heartbreaks, she failed to this one.. and she promised that this is the last..
she loves her setsuna, at least she thinks so..
without ever really erasing setsuna, under the excuse of 'oh well i learned a lot from that anyway'.. she continues on living, and fell in love with another..
this new person, just call him.. well.. him.. he doesn't worth a name.. that's what she thinks anyway.. no no no no no.. big no no..
one that completely different from her setsuna..
feels different, attract her differently, cut differently, hurt differently too.. hopefully..
she's in a total breakdown right now..
questioning:
okay.. somewhat the world doesn't want me erasing setsuna sama.. oh wait.. really?
i'm sad.. it's because of setsuna sama isn't it? or not?
i think i'll go back writing down setsuna sama's name.. wait.. is that really necessary?
what am i sad for? who makes me sad? what makes me sad? which one cuts deeper?
which one is the perfect one.. to cry for setsuna or for him?
well perhaps i really have done many many many mistakes that i deserve having all these problem at once..
she feels like crying.. but crying is a big no.. really..
it's none of their fault.. it's completely hers.. really..
and suddenly she thinks she's one selfish (or not?) fucking complicated perfectionist bitch..
she's sad but she told herself that she must not cry.. for everyone's sake..
even when she wants to cry for someone else, because of someone else and something else.. she will draw herself back to setsuna.. so she thinks she cries for her setsuna.. though she still must not cry even if it's for setsuna's sake.. it's just.. setsuna is better than him.. isn't he?
anzu sama feels lonely, sometimes.. but she shouldn't be.. because i'm around..
i feel lonely.. totally.. completely.. deeply.. frantically.. but i shouldn't be.. because anzu sama doesn't..
anzu sama is busy protecting her setsuna, and those others who are dearests for her.. so busy that she doesn't have time for herself.. and that's what i'm for.. to make sure anzu sama doesn't feel lonely though her setsuna is not around..
just let us live, please.. people..
anzu sama isn't that strong though she seems so tough..
i'm not gonna say i'm strong, and nobody really said i need to be strong for this.. all i'm doing is trying my best to keep anzu sama away from lonesomeness..
just let us be..
stay away setsuna, stay away him
**
the pic is chosen because somewhat it reflects deep deep loneliness that covered up with happiness.. just covered, not erased..
3 comments:
hmm bagus
bah gitu doang komennya hahahaha..
abis apalagi dong haha
Post a Comment